The past year has passed in a daze, and it's time to summarize gains and losses. The title of this article should have been "Year-End Summary." However, my mindset changed after the year-end, so I thought it would be better to call it a miscellaneous talk.
Frustration#
The year 2023 can be described as a mess, learning nothing, achieving nothing. Things that were once easily obtained now require great effort. Anxiety fills my heart, but it doesn't turn into motivation to move forward. I've become accustomed to laziness, as if trapped in a mental black hole. I haven't found the white hole yet, and I haven't given up. I continue to strive forward, but with no results. What I used to be proud of, everything I had, seemed to have become a thing of the past. I no longer write articles, no longer have passion, just giving meaningless meaning to satisfy myself. I often say to myself, "You are far from where you should be. Do you still have the right to write your name?" I'm not good at expressing emotions, whether happy or sad, I've long been used to bearing it alone. Strange paths of development.
Numbness#
But as mentioned earlier, my sins are not enough to go to hell (coward). Slowly, I got used to it, continuing to do useless work. Sometimes I want to light a cigarette and look out the window, gazing at the neon lights unrelated to me on the top floor in the early morning, indulging in a seemingly beautiful escape. But deep down, the pursuit of hope is still praying to me, Isn't tomorrow beautiful?
Starting to Change#
Finally, my slow brain realized that I should solve these things, but how? I decided to pick up the interests I had abandoned.
- Read books
- Read books
- Still read books
In the world of books, I began to explore why I had become like this, starting with an introductory book on psychoanalysis. I started learning with confidence, trying to love everything around me. Sometimes I envy those who believe in gods, as they can find peace of mind in the purgatory of life. But is life really purgatory? Isn't there beauty around us? I've written so many inspirational stories, read so many, the answers to life are actually around us, quietly telling us in countless crevices, but I couldn't see it. Finally, my view of life has changed again.
End#
Now, I want to learn photography, rekindling my passion for past interests, and looking forward to the future with enthusiasm. I know this article seems to have a somewhat inexplicable ending, because I can't write about my mindset back then now. If you have ever experienced anxiety and inexplicable sadness, I suggest you spend more time with your family, as being with loved ones has a special magic on our mood. Embrace new things, explore unknown territories, the world is so big, there are always things worth entrusting our lives to. Most importantly: No matter how life is, believe that the future is bright, don't give up on your future because of a moment of impulse.
Hope is as precious as diamonds in this era.
Finally: Happy New Year to everyone! May all your wishes come true in the new year, and may you rise step by step!